Chapter 2 of On No Mind, the three secret gates for tempering truth in the worldly life.
We suffer in relationships, often because we enter them carrying the entire script of “me.”
Why didn’t he text back? What did she mean by that? I’ve given so much to this family, why is it not understood? We are like directors and lead actors on the stage of intimate, family, and professional relationships, stubbornly demanding others perform according to our script. When they don’t comply, pain, anger, and resentment inevitably arise.
Chapter 2 of On No Mind points out that this is precisely the fabrication of “mind at work” in relationships. We project a “self-story” woven from memories, expectations, and judgments, demanding the world—especially significant others—to confirm its truth. Relationships thus become a collision and game between two individuals with “mind at work.”
But this chapter also reveals a deeper path: Relationships are not a battlefield, but the finest whetstone for “No Mind.” It presents us with three gates we must pass through. Cross them, and vast horizons open up.
Gate 1: The Gate of Emotion – The Fire That Melts “Self-Grasping”
Most relational pain stems from boundaries of the “self” that are too rigid. We believe the hurt is real because a real “me” has been hurt by a real “them.”
On No Mind offers a disruptive perspective: From the view of the Deep Sea of No Mind, the other is not your “better half,” but another manifestation of Self-Nature.
This is not a romantic metaphor, but reality. When you feel hurt, try to see clearly: it is merely one dream character (played by your “self-grasping”) attacking another dream character. When two figures on a movie screen fight, does the screen get hurt? Does the ocean get wounded by colliding waves?
Practice:
The next time you’re stung by a loved one’s words, pause the automatic reaction. Conduct an inner experiment:
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Awareness: Notice the emotional energy rising in your body (the heat of anger, the tightness of grievance).
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Step Back: Mentally take a step back, ceasing to play the role of “victim” or “defender.”
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Become the Space: Become the vast space that contains and observes this energy’s arising, changing, and dissipating.
You’ll find that when you stop desperately defending that fragile “self-story,” the other’s words become like wind passing through empty space, losing their point of impact. Your “unmovingness” may instead become the strongest force to resolve conflict.
Gate 2: The Gate of Wealth – Let Money Be the Flowing Dharma-Water
Many spiritual seekers fall into a subtle resistance to money, enacting fear under the name of “purity.” This is still “mind at work”—attachment to a certain spiritual image.
On No Mind points directly to the core: Scarcity is not due to lack of money—but because you believe yourself to be an “isolated receiver.” Identifying yourself as a dipper of water in a pond, you naturally fear drying up.
The truth is: If you are the entire ocean, then money’s inflow and outflow are merely the natural circulation of seawater. Remove a bucket—the ocean does not diminish; add a bucket—it does not increase. Money is essentially the flowing energy and trust of the cosmos.
Practice:
Transform the language and mindset of your dialogue with money.
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When Earning: Shift from “I need to earn more” to “I wish to be a clear channel for abundance to flow, serving all beings.”
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When Spending: Shift from “I’m depleting again” to “I am grateful for this energy flowing through me to where it’s needed next.”
When you stop grasping and fearing, your relationship with money transforms from a tense “struggle” to a light “dance.” The less you grasp (No Mind), the more smoothly the energy of life flows.
Gate 3: The Gate of Life and Death – Releasing the Ultimate Arrogance of the “Practitioner”
This is the most hidden and advanced gate. It concerns whether you can let go of the ultimate story of “I am practicing” and “I will be liberated.”
If you feel “more aware than others” because of your practice, or disdain noise in pursuit of stillness, you may have simply jumped from the cage of worldly desire into the cage of spiritual progress. You have meticulously crafted a self-image of the “practitioner,” and this is still solid “mind at work.”
The ultimate guidance of On No Mind is startling: True liberation is not clinging—even to the idea of liberation.
Practice:
Ask yourself one ultimate question: “If ‘I’ let go of even the identity of ‘practitioner,’ what remains here and now?”
Listen carefully. The answer will not be another thought. You will find that the chair you sit on, the air you breathe, the birdsong outside the window have never been separate from perfection and peace. Liberation is not achieved in the future; it is recognized in the present moment, the very instant you drop the identity of the “seeker.”
Conclusion: The World is the Best Dojo
The wisdom of On No Mind does not teach us to escape the world, but to navigate it with “No Mind” as our boat, riding the wind and waves. The Gate of Emotion teaches us softness, the Gate of Wealth teaches us openness, and the Gate of Life and Death teaches us utter lightness.
The key to passing through remains only one: In every present moment, disengage from the story of “mind at work” and abide in the awareness of “No Mind.”
As you begin to practice, you will discover: Relationships are no longer a burden, but a mirror revealing the self; money is no longer a shackle, but living water serving life; life and death are no longer fear, but the morning of waking from a dream.
The world is not an obstacle—attachment is the prison; Every gate can be passed; every step blooms as a lotus. This is perhaps the most romantic, and most real, promise of practicing in the human world.
